The Loneliest in Khartoum

 

Tell me you don’t stand there after your salaat still numb
Fumbling with words
You
The loneliest of Khartoum
Turn to your drinks, & your puff, & your tricks
In heat
In pursuit
For a new game with a sweet derrière hoping to an illicit affair
To throw then enjoy
In her despair
Then it’s on to the next, and the next, and the next one
You
The loneliest of Khartoum
You made your heart into brittle glass
It seems there is no middle, so if you’re not a saint
That makes you a lost one
You the loneliest in Khartoum
Your fear is wide and gaping thing that no matter the amount of numbness you pour, it festers and infects you the most in the night
& though you’re wide awake as the Azaan tolls
You’re more than ready to break your back to impress a current amour
But can barely unlock your knees to kneel and kiss the floor
Tell me you don’t stand there after salaaat
Still numb
Grasping for words
You
The loneliest in Khartoum
Your definition of ‘woman’ is stuck in the extremes of a hijabi is an angel and anything else a harlot worth screwing
& should a girl be easily charmed
Then she a ho
& should she actually fall for the blatant, sickingly convincing twisted lies
Then she a should’ve been raised better by her brothers foolish ho
Because to assume
Is to know the truth
You
Four faced hypocrite
What you whispered in her ear to extinguish her inhibitions you’d break your sisters neck if she even dreamt it
What you lecture your female relatives on, is non-existent in your vocabulary when getting your game on
What you lament to your respectable friends about our decaying shabab, you could careless for her broken hymen because she deserves it
What you could easily label as haraam, you practice with an easy flourish
Because
You are

a boy

chasing and huffing after a role that barely fits, tripping over the loose flaps of alpha dominance, put on a tight rope of a sexist over sexualized testosterone balancing act of the devout slash Casanova slash atlas, the victimized, the vilified, the misunderstood, the boy king

Who cries to the night
as you exude your toxic loneliness
You
The loneliest in Khartoum

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